#i know a lot of people struggle with presentation especially if you don’t fit in the binary

[gatorbites-imagines]

I have a prompt idea, Trans reader (ftm) in the 1940s being bullied, steve and bucky find reader and help him, start to friends to poly lovers (steve x bucky x reader), fluff with a little angst and soft smut, just an idea

Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x FTM reader

Headcanons

I don’t actually know a whole lot about the era for trans people, especially in Brooklyn during those years. So, I’m just writing on a feeling and adding what feels right. Have I ever mentioned that pre-serum Steve is one of my favorites?

Writing this actually reminded me of something I wrote forever ago, called party of one, two, three? You can read part 1 and 2 here, if you are interested. I wasn’t really in the mood to write detailed smut, so.

Being a trans guy in the 30s and 40s wasn’t easy, but was anything during that time? Depending on where you were from and when you came out, you might have had the chance to live as a man.

If let’s say you moved to Brooklyn when you were old enough to know that you were a man, and you had always presented as such, then you might have been able to get a job, and if you knew the right people, fake documents.

If you had always lived in Brooklyn, then it was a lot harder, as most just assumed you were a lady who dressed like a lad because you didn’t want to “do your duty” as a woman, or whatever they had on their minds.

Either way, Steve and Bucky were some of the few people who supported you no matter what, if they only knew you as a man, or if you guys had grown up together. If you fit in Steves clothes you could borrow his, and if Steve was too small, well, then bucky had a closet with clothes too.

Being picked on was hard to avoid, in either situation. The first would be because you were such a small, scrawny and feminine guy. The second because you were a lady that needed to be put in her place.

The second was always more dangerous. The first, theyd just rough you up a bit and taunt you a little, but it always ended up as more of a “haha we are just taking the piss”. The second? It felt like the men who cornered you had something to prove, to you or themselves you didn’t know. But they wanted to prove that they could “fix” or “correct” you.

Living in Brooklyn and being a weirdo like you meant you knew how to fight, somewhat at least. Enough to not go down without a fight. But no matter how much you practiced, keeping up with multiple fully grown men was difficult.

If you already knew Steve and Bucky or not, the two would step in when they saw this. Steve first, being the righteous guy he is, would run in swinging. Scrawny arms and wheezing breaths, eyes burning with the fury of a thousand suns, the blonde so incredibly enraged at the very idea of someone treating another person this way.

Steve never lasted long though, but luckily Bucky was never far behind. In the end, Steve always looked as beat up as you, and maybe it was because he bruised and bled so easily with how sick he was.

Steve struggling to his feet and holding out a hand to pull you up, eyes still sparkling and teeth bloody as he grinned, was enough to make your heart race.

Bucky at least didn’t look like he was the main victim of your group of attackers. He was a bit ruffled up, sure, but he still looked mostly put together.

It should shock no one that Bucky easily led you and Steve back to his and Steves apartment, where Bucky got to work patching you both up as they made you talk about the guys who did it, and why. Steve because he wanted to go back out there and smack them straight, and Bucky to be on the safer side.

Be it the first or twentieth time they save you from your so-called bullies, Steve and Bucky stayed just as intense and caring. Even when they didn’t have a lot, or Steve was sick, you always felt like you belonged and was as much of a man as them.

When you three started dating it got a little easier. Everyone already knew that Steve Rogers as built like a twig, but would swing until there was blood if he needed too. He was snarling, snapping and as feral as those starving alley dogs. He was as protective as one too, not just of you but Bucky too.

Bucky wasn’t much better, though he hid it more successfully. Everyone thought that Barnes was the charming, sweet talker, who liked to talk it out without fighting. But they were wrong, when it came to you and Steve, Buck could be worse than Steve.

Both your fellas were protective and possessive in their own ways, but you couldn’t say you didn’t feel the same. You wanted to drown the men who antagonized Steve for his height and sickness in the piers. And jealousy reared its hideous head when the pretty ladies fluttered their lashes at Bucky whenever he passed.

The three of you were all a mess, but you were each other’s mess. You and Bucky never saw Steve was just his disease and lack of stature. Steve and you never just saw Bucky as his handsome face and face charm. And they never saw you as a lady, you were as much of a man as them.

The only time it ever became a challenge, your biology being different, was when you guys got intimate. But it was never made a huge problem. There were days when Steve couldn’t get it up because of his health, or where he could even participate because of his lungs. And there were days when you didn’t want to be touched because your body made you sick. You guys just found ways to make it work.

Sometimes you and Steve would just sit back on a chair each, one you’d dragged in from the kitchen, to watch Bucky pleasure himself and show off in bed. It was like your own litter theater, and Bucky really loved to be watched and praised by you two.

Sometimes it was Steve lying in bed carefully touching himself, at times it was just him caressing his own torso and telling you two all his wildest fantasies, his face and chest bright red from his flush.

And there were even times when it was you, when dysphoria wasn’t swallowing you whole and howling that your body was wrong. You never looked at yourself when you would be with them, but having two men with their own naked bodies made it harder to focus on your own.

Some days you would imagine that their body was yours, and the dysphoria wouldn’t be so bad. It also helped that Steve didn’t grow as much body hair as Buck, meaning Steve was almost as naturally hairy as you. Part of you just basked in the fact that one of your partners looked like you in that way.

The days you were fine with touch, Steve and Bucky never let it go to waste. You couldn’t fuck them like you three all wanted, they didn’t really have toys like that at the time, or at least accessible to you three. This just meant you guys had to get creative.

God gave humans hands and fingers for a reason, and you all had mouths. You always wore so many layers anyways, so the many hickeys your lovers left on you were easily hidden. The chest was always off the table though, and neither of the men complained.

Bucky was the best at praise, so naturally gifted that Steve would joke that he should become some pulp writer, that he should write those cheap sappy romance novels the ladies liked.

This didn’t mean that Steve wouldn’t praise you and Buck, he did, just in his own ways. The blonde always struggled with forming the right words and getting them out, but his sketchbook filled with pages and paged of you and Buck was all the praise you needed.

They would be good partners. Neither have a label for what you guys are, or what their sexualities are, they just know you three love each other, and that’s all that matters.

[totally-trans-island]

‘Damn, How Didn’t I Think of That?’

[cyb3rtarot]

Pick a Pile: Message from the Moon Card

Disclaimer: tarot readings are not replacements for professional advice; your future’s in your own hands. Take what resonates, don’t force a reading to fit!

pile 1☾pile 2 pile 3☾pile 4

☽

Pile 1: 

Cards: The Moon, Escape (Mars in Pisces, 12th), 7 of Cups rx, 8 of Wands, Queen of Cups rx, 3 of cups, Politics (7 of Mind), Justice, 9 of Swords rx, 5 of wands, You Can’t Go Back to Yesterday, Keep Your Temper rx

The Message: hello pile one! The Moon can indicate both illusions and delusions, and this is the focus of your message today. This pile really gets caught up in their own fantasies or the mask they present to the world. There’s the sense that reality is hard to cope with, and you immediately run to what is safe and comforting—even if it is only providing false comfort. You guys really like to daydream to the point that some of you are maladaptive daydreamers—or you could have similar coping mechanisms that “remove” you from reality (some struggle with dissociation). You might be the kind of person to tell yourself a lie and start believing it (no offense, that’s not uncommon lol). Some of you use your friendships to distract yourself; your first response to a heavy feeling might be to go hang out. There’s an emphasis on really rushing to get away from one’s feelings or problems. Going back to the mask I mentioned, most of you like to put on a brave face and not reveal how you’re really doing. There’s a LOT of feelings flying around inside, but most people wouldn’t know by looking at you. Some of you do this because of social or family pressure; living with people who don’t understand emotional and mental health. You may have internalized the idea of sweeping everything under the rug and holding it in, or you may do this to keep the peace and avoid hurtful words. Most of the time when these kinds of issues come up in my readings I can feel a heavy, melancholic, or scattered energy, but actually this pile’s energy felt kind of light and refreshing all the way through. If this is your default, that explains why you use this as a mask or why people expect it of you. However, you guys have to give space to process your heavier emotions! It’s not easy at all and neither is giving up coping mechanisms. But to restore balance to your mindset, life approach, and discipline, you must confront that sometimes life feels like a battle. That’s not a bad thing even if it makes you feel bad; it’s necessary for true growth. A lot of you need to stand up for yourself, and this may manifest as tough conversations or arguments. I’m not suggesting you HAVE to go argue with someone—especially if you don’t feel safe, but do analyze the way you can show up for yourself. Look at the ways you have stomped or lessened yourself for the sake of someone else who doesn’t have your inner wellbeing in mind. This also includes standing up to yourself; when your mind tries to enable unhealthy habits you can say no! Even though it won’t necessarily be easy, this is what may help you escape feeling frazzled or tormented. But instead of escaping, you’ll be actually working through it. Your oracle cards are suggesting you may also cling onto past ideals. For example, you may hold onto people you’ve known for a long time even though you no longer have a healthy relationship. Instead of biting your tongue just to keep things the same, say what’s on your mind! If the relationship relies on you never being truthful or authentic, then it’s just a relationship between the other person and the persona you created, not you and them. If you do struggle with dissociation or mental health, I encourage you to see what mental health resources are accessible to you! Good luck pile one, I know you can do it :]

Extra Details: partying or outings as a coping mechanism, using humor to avoid looking hurt, addictive coping (I’m not really getting substances, just unhealthy habits), doesn’t vent to others (maybe you used to but stopped), laughing or smiling when you’re angry (also angry crying), hiding a big temper, always distracting yourself, very heavy nostalgia, not liking the person you’ve grown up to be. You might collect, want to collect, or make little trinkets, like charms? Some of you read tea leaves or charm cast. Ending relationships, trying to remain lighthearted, people changing beyond recognition, living near the woods or forest. A really fast moving relationship (or new business?). Some of you guys might feel like a token friend or partner. People pleasing (specifically by not defending yourself or showing your real personality). Holding on to a long gone past

☽

Pile 2: 

Cards: The Moon, the High Priestess, 4 of hearts rx, Maturity, Consciousness, Compromise, Past Lives (the Moon again!), Sharing (Queen of Action), 9 of cups, Choices

The Message: hi pile two!! I love you guys’ energy, it was so refreshing and sweet 🥰 You have recently gone through a major inner transformation! This feels like a spiritual awakening, but it might also be mental and emotional. Either way, you went into this period of turning internally to find answers in yourself, and this triggered something that feels like a breath of fresh air in you? You could’ve felt like you were living inauthentically before, and now it’s like you “remembered” who you are. There’s this new, inner spring of energy, joy, or creativity, I can even feel it energetically. You’re a breath of fresh air to those around you too. The Moon in your reading (you got it twice!) is speaking about your newfound knowledge. For the spiritual folks, this seems to represent an upgrade in intuition. If you’re not spiritual, you might just “know” yourself better. You’re looking at the world in a new way now that you’ve “found” yourself, but I feel there’s a decision making you feel stuck. You’ve been trying to compromise yourself or put off these choices, but your cards are clearly showing you know what must be done (with the high priestess and the four of hearts rx). For a lot of you, you’ve changed to the point you can no longer comfortably associate with the same people or environments, but you’ve been trying to hold on. You might be trying to not appear too different or strange. Some of you want to pursue spirituality more but have been unsure. Whatever your individual situation is, The Moon and the “compromise” card are asking you to be true to this version of yourself you’ve discovered. Like the High Priestess, this pile “sees through” the veil or illusions of The Moon now. A new external change is waiting to match your internal one; you’re called to act accordingly with the knowledge you’ve learned about yourself.

Extra Details (these have a lot of spiritual beliefs in them so if that is not for you or makes you confused, just skip!): lemonade (pink)?, really liking the color pink or having a pink room, or liking a soft aesthetic. Seeing 6, 266, or 18 a lot. Wanting to start a business or social media page, especially a spiritual one. Accepting your gender identity or yourself in general. New beliefs or belief system. There’s a lot of clairaudience, clairvoyance, and insightful dreams in this pile. You may have or be returning to a belief in reincarnation, or feel like you’ve discovered a past life memory. Some feel like you shared that life with one person in particular from your present? A few feel like you were royal in a past life, but you don’t really care about that as much as you see it in a wider perspective (which is good! This is a very specific message I picked up on). You might’ve noticed an upgrade to your spiritual gifts/intuition before you went through this transformation, which could’ve freaked you out. Meditating a lot (maybe not anymore but during the “awakening”). A positive nihilism—realizing petty things don’t matter as much. Lots of self love and love in general. Calm after the storm. Some of you may be into STEM; I’m getting marine biology, and someone specifically loves shellfish 😀?? (maybe eating them too…)

☽

Pile 3: 

Cards: The Moon, The Hanged Man rx, 4 of swords, Comparison (5 of mind), Fighting (Knight of Mind), King of Swords rx, the Emperor, 5 of wands, Courage (Strength), The Lovers, Enthusiasm (Sun in Sagittarius, 9th house), Who in the World Are You?, Follow the White Rabbit

The Message: hi pile three! If you already felt drawn to pile 1 I encourage you to take a look as there’s similar themes (though yall’s energy feels a bit “lighter”). Much like that pile, your Moon card message is about the illusions you indulge in. The environments or people around you feel very chaotic or competitive, like a space that pits people against each other or promotes conflicts. This could be a workplace or internship, for example. But I feel the tension is more elevated than you’d expect in that kind of environment; it takes its toll on you and jumbles your thoughts. This pile feels disenfranchised somehow, like others coerce you into a certain position, take power away from you, or backstab you. You may close your eyes to this behavior by making excuses as to why others do this, or pretend things are better than they are. A major lesson for this pile is standing up for yourself. People pleasing can help you get through unpleasant minor interactions but shouldn’t be a way of life at the expense of yourself. It’s very emphasized that you might not feel up to the task, and this is partly because the aspect of you that’s courageous and enduring is fragmented from the rest of your identity. It’s not nonexistent, it’s just not readily acknowledged and there’s a difference. All the bravery and strength you need to show up for yourself is already there, waiting to be tapped into. You may not be used to allowing this version of yourself to exist, and that’s partly what’s causing the inner turmoil and confusion. Overcoming this challenge can open up many paths; you may find yourself feeling curious about opportunities you would've never pursued as the “old” you (possibly traveling or moving for a job? It’ll lighten your mental burden at least). When you truly accept yourself and understand there’s internal things no one can take away, then sometimes no words are needed. Your energy and actions will speak for themselves, even if others refuse to understand.

Extra Details: likes cartoons and anime a lot, spent a lot of your life on the internet—especially preteen + teen years, and especially tumblr and vine (this is more directed at millennials and older gen-z where this doesn’t automatically apply to everybody lol). Tiktok or internet humor, glasses with thick frames, indecisiveness. Some of you could’ve worked at a haunted house or a Halloween fair/amusement park? Or gone to a fun Halloween party. Could’ve also worked at a water park. Your job could be very rigorous or leave you physically and mentally exhausted (some of you are baristas?); you might work with or near water. Some of you are in a very passionate relationship and taking back power over your life will positively benefit it. Funnily, when I was pulling my oracle words for you guys, “the moon” came out (again) and also the word “fruit.”—if you get too caught up in facades and masks, you become oblivious to potential blessings there for your “authentic” self only. Or literally some of you like to eat fruit outside during night time lol. May like to analyze dreams for messages. May have an “if I don’t pay attention it can’t hurt me” mindset

Pile 4: 

Cards: The Moon, Impossible Things, Law is not Justice rx, Nature Communication, Postponement (4 of mind), Adventure (page of rainbows), Intuition (Mercury in Cancer, 4th house), Loss (Saturn in Pisces, 12th house), 4 of hearts rx

The Message: hello pile four! Some of you may have felt drawn to pile 2 as there’s a few similar details. The message the Moon wants to give you today is more of a reminder than anything. I see a change in your approach to life. Some of you could have had very black and white thinking about the universe and spirituality before, or you might have felt like the universe was out to get you. Now, it seems you’ve shed this type of thinking, either by taking a more neutral/positive stance towards the universe or by trusting your intuition to navigate life’s challenges. I see many of you pray, ask for signs, or look for the answers to your questions in nature. Some of you meditate for clarity about questions. There’s a significance about working together with another force to get things done (whether this is your outer and inner self, higher vs regular self, conscious and subconscious, you + the universe or God, etc). Many of you are not used to approaching life in this way, and previous self-sabotaging or overly-hesitant tendencies are carrying over. You may feel stuck on what you’re leaving behind, but for most of you it seems these things already ended. For example, some of you are nostalgic about relationships, but it seems you already don’t talk to these people anymore or you’re not on good terms. Or, someone passed away and you’re torn between staying in the environment that included them versus moving to new things. You’re being reminded to both trust yourself and also not get caught in a web of your own thoughts. Have you nurtured the childlike curiosity and wonder that’s trying to work its way out of you, or have you only been focused on some kind of perfect planning? Overthinking the “destination” can become a procrastination technique. The journey is also important as that’s where your growth occurs. You don’t have to keep thinking or asking for a thousand signs until you arrive at a perfect answer [never]; know you can handle the imperfect, too. 

Extra Details: a long-term relationship that ended a while ago (a divorce for some), lots of manifestors, witches, and channelers in this pile, atheist or former atheist, not having any friends or close relationships right now (possibly because of new beliefs), feeling lonely or hesitant due to lack of support, LOTS of painters or visual artists here (this could be what you’re hesitant to pursue?), a very specific message I’m getting is someone could have lost the ability to make art for a while (because of health or loss of materials?), going on new medication or considering it, game design, meeting people in games/mmos/on twitch, leaving a job (especially because of the people or drama), temporary jobs, working with a crush or friend, remote work (some of you could be digital nomads or wanting that lifestyle?), very dark hair, makeup artist, beauty school, working at a hair salon, visiting your friends’ job, art or beauty as a coping mechanism

☽

[maxdibert]

How do you think Severus would relate to a child of his own, if he had one? What kind of father do you think he would be?

There are so many possible answers to this question because it would really depend on the context in which Snape became a father (before or after the War), his child’s personality, and, of course, what his partner would be like. But, let’s assume we’re talking about a post-War Snape in an AU, because honestly, I can’t imagine canon Severus being a father in any way—it would literally be suicidal. Having a child would not only endanger his mission as a spy but also give his enemies perfect leverage to use against him. And he’s already suffered too much in life to throw in that level of angst. So, starting from a scenario where there’s no war and Severus can focus on being both calm and depressed (because he’d still be depressed, especially if he no longer has a clear purpose keeping him going), I don’t think the idea of fatherhood would really thrill him at first. It’s not like he’s someone who’s ever thought of having children, or at least he ruled out the possibility long ago. If he had a partner who wanted kids, I think he’d agree, but with a terrifying sense of dread about fatherhood because 1) his parental role models are terrible, and he never had a functional upbringing, and 2) he’s never really liked kids. It probably wouldn’t occur to him that maybe the issue is that he doesn’t like other people’s kids, but his own would be different. That’s why I think his partner would be a fundamental factor in this—supporting him throughout the process and keeping him grounded about his own traumas.

That said, I imagine him as a strict but supportive father, one who sets rules and commands respect but without using violence or verbal attacks on his children. He’d especially try to spare them the awful childhood he endured with his own father. But I still see him as the kind of dad who has rules and expects them to be followed, the classic type who cares a lot about grades and school behavior (he was a teacher for 18 years, after all). He’d probably see certain grades as failures if they didn’t meet expectations. He’d likely be a bit awkward with affection, although he’d find his own ways to make his children feel loved, valued, and accepted. He’d be a present father but would struggle to be fully emotionally open, though he’d likely improve this over time and with effort.

I also see him preferring to have daughters, or at least finding it much easier to bond with a daughter. I’ve always thought that it’s simpler for Severus to relate to women (Lily was his first friend, and the other person he spent time with as a child was Petunia, also a girl. As much as he picked on Hermione, he wasn’t as harsh with her as he was with Harry, Neville, or Ron. He seemed to have a fairly close relationship with Narcissa, etc.). Basically, most of the men in his life have been abusers (his father, the Marauders, Dumbledore manipulating and blackmailing him, Voldemort...), so he’s more at ease, or maybe just more himself, when he’s around women. I can see him thinking that he might not fully understand “girl stuff,” but that it’s better than having a son who’s into Quidditch and facing the prospect of not knowing how to deal with a boy who represents all the typical “boy” interests and behaviors that Severus doesn’t really embody. He’d probably have some anxiety over this—something common among men who don’t fit into stereotypical norms associated with their own gender.

Still, whether he had a son or a daughter, he’d try to provide them with a functional and stable home, where there’s affection and respect, allowing them to grow up with the security he never had. I don’t see him as an “easy” father because he has too much baggage, but he’d be aware of that baggage and try to address it when he realizes he’s messed up. He wouldn’t do that for others, but he’d do it for his children.

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Round 2

Propaganda:

Amuro -

"Being a Newtype is just space autism to me. But also he sucks at falling in line in a structured environment, would rather work with machines than talk to people, and is only allowed as a child soldier because he's the bestest at big robots."

Kyouya -

"what's there to say? you know him. you love him. vote kyoya."

Euini -

"I relate a lot to his social anxiety, especially his performance anxiety that occurs when he's being watched by people, particularly due to his stress at needing to follow the plan/do things the "proper" way in order to not feel like he's a failure. he also stands like a lil autistic kid and i appreciate him so much for that.

(LIGHT SPOILERS) basically, he has a test that he needs to take in order to advance as a witch, and he keeps failing it because he cant perform properly while being watched by other people, even though he knows the "right" spells to use and why he's supposed to use them. on his third attempt of the test, he's prepared a "script" to use so that he can follow it and not worry about failing in the moment (in this case, his script is a hand-written book of the proper spells to use and the order in which he's supposed to use them), but when a part of the exam changes, he's no longer able to follow his script. because he's been taught all his life that there's only one proper way of doing things, his way of thinking is very rigid and he's not able to deviate from his plan without panicking. luckily, one of his fellow examinees (richeh from the autistic anime girls poll 💕) is able to convince him to try and change the way that he does things to something that is more attuned to his personal needs- basically change the way that he casts his spells and which spells to use so that he doesn't need to struggle with doing things in the way that everyone says that he should; the way that he cant seem to manage. but, even before richeh helped him with that though, he was still finding way to modify the "proper" spells a little bit to better suit his weaknesses. he was trying so hard to fit in to the mold that witch society gave him, but it just wasnt right for him and he was making it work however he could."

Aoi -

"He has a very devoted special interest in the idol Takada-chan, which he frequently imagines in fights and other situations… the moment someone (Itadori) expresses equal interest in something he is passionate about, he immediately declares them besties and brothers and creates a whole elaborate shared history for them that doesn’t actually exist. He’s not really interested in connecting with people who don’t share his interests. He’s seen as somewhat strange and eccentric. Though in the present he is respected because of his strength as a sorcerer, as a child he was very isolated."

Floyd -

"Has no emotional regulation skills and will make it everyone's problem. Prone to mood swings and can get angry at the drop of a hat, but can also be so goofy, silly, and lovely. Sways side to side for that good good stim, and loves to squeeze others (with violent intent and affectionate intent). Who doesn't love a good pressure stim? His interest in things can be fleeting, and his motivation to do things can change as quickly as his mood. Spontaneous and feral extraordinaire."

Apollo -

"Not canonically autistic but he has ZERO volume control plus he scripts/repeats stuff (“I’M FINE!!!”), sometimes mimics other people’s speech patterns (like replying “ja” to Klavier), sensitive to loud noises (stayed backstage at a concert cuz it was too loud) and bright lights (complained about the stage lights being too bright at the same concert + screamed when opening the hatch to the bright stage at magic show), and has been really into space since he was a kid, which could definitely be a hyperfixation (not to mention how he read every single one of Phoenix’s old case files back when he admired him). Plus he’s a little TOO normal, to the point where it circles back around to making him the odd one out, which is absolutely what masking feels like for me. Even when he tries to be fun and weird he gets strange looks/made fun of for not being weird in the right way. The list of autism symptoms is just a checklist for him at this point."

Ash -

"he just has those vibes ya know?"

Shou -

"His special interest is math. He uses math terms in regular conversations and calls people yoctograms/zeptograms which earned him monikers such as "math man" and "pi-face". Speaking of Pi, he once shouted 155 consecutive digits of it through a megaphone just because he could. He's so normal."

Sunny -

"Sunny has been told that his face is not expressive. He doesn't talk a lot and he often gets lost into his imagination. He is a great listener and recalls a lot of information being told he has a great memory (he is able to remember a whole speech about flower symbolism that his friend told him) He is compared to a cat."

Yuu -

"He’s like if an emo programmer boy was also completely unhinged and also had a tragic backstory."

[onlyoneofyongsoo]

Why BUB actually fits into OOO's catalogue

Bump Up Business has been criticised for many things, and don’t get me wrong, it’s far from perfect, but there is one question I have heard a lot: “Why did OnlyOneOf of all people choose to do this? Doesn’t this show play exactly into the thing we have been defending them of?”

My own answer to this is yes and no. But let me explain. 

In this I will not be discussing what the writers had in mind, because I don’t know them. But I’ll talk about why I think it makes sense OnlyOneOf would tell this kind of story, whether they actually had any say in choosing this drama or not.

The main argument for most peoples' criticism I’ve seen is “This show is about/glorifying queerbaiting.” But is it really? Both of the characters are already queer. Jihoon has dated at least one man and is very aware of his own sexuality. Eden is quickly established as being very insecure in his own sexuality, not because he’s straight, but because he’s queer and finds that hard to accept. So the show is about queer characters. 

Okay, so how does the queerbaiting fall into this? Obviously there is queerbaiting present. Their company practically forces them to do it. Eden is very reluctant, but agrees after the company gives him an ultimatum. Jihoon is less reluctant, but also in a tight spot. He has fallen off and this is seemingly his last chance to save his career, something he wouldn’t give up even for the man he loved. So the characters take no pleasure in the queerbaiting, but is it a problem to them? Yes, actually. It is made clear that they have trouble telling apart what is real feelings and what’s just work. In episode 4 for example Jihoon asks Eden if he is struggling with their concept after Eden revealed how insecure he is in his sexuality. The question comes from a place of caring and honesty. Eden then answers that he is okay because it’s "just work". Since emotions and their hidden identities are now part of their work it gets all muddled and confusing for them. 

You might say now “But that’s not the problem with queerbaiting! They’re leading their fans on!” And from a fan’s perspective I agree. They are leading them on. But this isn’t about fans, this show is about idols. What would it be like for a queer idol to work in an industry where you are urged to act queer but to never be queer? How would that affect your personal life?

In the drama the queer characters hide their identity. Even after Hyunbin spread these awful rumours about Jihoon, they don’t reveal their relationship. Evidently having rumours about being with women is still better than revealing that you’re gay. The entire time they keep any real relationships under wraps. 

On top of that, in a way Eden has to out himself for his job. Even though he of course isn’t allowed to be actually queer, acting this lovey-dovey with another man in public sure must feel like he’s coming out and he is clearly uncomfortable with that. Interviewers and netizens are constantly questioning their relationship as well. Are they gay? Are they straight? Do they naturally act that way? Is the company forcing them? Having all your actions be scrutinised and dissected like this, especially as a closeted queer person is terrifying. 

Once again I’m not claiming that the writers wanted to represent queer idols’ struggles, but I think you can understand how this might be able to be read that way, especially by idols themselves. 

Now how does this fit in with OnlyOneOf’s usual work, besides the obvious queer element? For that I’d like to remind you of June 2022. That is the month we started off the undergrOund idOl project. If you’re like me, then that name probably made you question it. What does it mean? I remember theories about it being about struggling as a relatively unknown group and things along those lines. Luckily they gave us hints in several articles by letting us know that the series is about “the inner side of idols who shine on stage”. Okay, cool! So is it about struggles with fame? Like a glimpse behind the mask? Let’s look at the videos! Hm… Not much about idol life here actually… They’re all just.. queer? How curious. Almost as if they want to highlight the queerness so many idols or celebrities have to hide?

So OnlyOneOf, a group whose behaviours and sexualities are constantly being dissected and who is famous for telling and highlighting genuine queer stories, even connecting those stories to what idols have to hide, choose a drama that is about queer idols who have to navigate their queerness in an industry that demands “fake queerness” but has no room for real queer people. This doesn’t actually seem that surprising to me. Does it to you?

Last comments:

I don’t think that BUB is a critical masterpiece tastefully portraying the harsh reality of queer celebrities. I think that the producers and writers did not do a good job and that OnlyOneOf’s own work is a lot better. But I can absolutely see how this story fits into the larger picture and why this could be appealing to them. I don’t know if they even had any say in doing the drama to begin with. But I just wanted to provide a different point of view. Maybe someone found this interesting at least <3

[creekschaoscorner]

This is about two parts analysis and two parts personal connections, so bear with me here. The first half is talking about certain lines from Malevolent Part 43 through the perspective of a trans allegory, and the second half is the rest of my thoughts about the episode. This is gonna be long

SPOILERS FOR PART 43

“You cannot even admit it to yourself. Hell brings about the truth in people…… It’s who you are: A King. Such a being as yourself… playing human is only a facade.”

This whole section, where John is talking about regressing to his former ways in the Dark World, reminds me of how sometimes people are forced to de transition due to safety, peer pressure, or a variety of reasons. The hag’s response to this only emphasizes the parallel- treating it as though because John caved under immense duress this is the “truth” of him.

“From what you have told me, you are simply… (Momentary whispers.) Lost.”

The experience of being told that we’re just confused, just misguided, is something that I think many trans people can relate to. Especially autistic trans people.

“Perhaps it was affecting me, or… or I was meant to be back there…” “Ah. So there is hope for you, yet.”

There are times, when it’s hard to be completely happy with your transition. It can make you wonder if maybe you’re not really trans, if somehow you’re faking, or like you’re destined to be what you were? It’s a miserable feeling to have. But to have someone treat it as proof? As proof that you are still capable of being ‘saved’, because they are so sure they know you better than you know yourself? That’s something I think an unfortunate amount of people are familiar with.

“You introduced yourself as the King in Yellow. Did you not?”

Presenting as your AGAB temporarily for safety, job security, familial pressures, etc. is such a common phenomenon that ‘boymoding’ and ‘girlmoding’ are terms created to describe it. What the hag is doing here is reminiscent of someone taking that and using it against a person- claiming that because they had to present as their AGAB that means that *must* still be who they are. The parallel is continued with her insisting that John must still want the power that comes with the King in Yellow’s name (I know trans men who still use the women’s restroom, because they’d rather be misgendered than harassed).

“This role you’ve been playing. Your time pretending to care.” So many trans people- particularly nonbinary trans people- have been told that it’s a phase, something they’ll grow out of.

So many trans people- particularly nonbinary trans people- have been told that it’s a phase, something they’ll grow out of.

“You have decided to be something that robs the world of its King.”

Sounds so similar to ‘You’re robbing your parents of their son/daughter’. It’s a gut punch to hear, the idea that you somehow owe people to be something you’re not.

“I cannot… fit into your version of what I must be.”

As a gnc trans person, this one resonated with me. Even when it comes to the people who have been my biggest supporters, especially my mom, I can’t fit into their idea of what my gender should be. I just can’t. That doesn’t mean they don’t love me, and that doesn’t mean their support doesn’t matter, it just means I have to define myself on my own. That’s something John has come to terms with on his own, just like I have.

I am someone who has struggled for a long time with an often compulsive need to “be a good person”. It’s made me a pushover, it’s made me self-destructive, it’s made me miserable. The black and white morality that comes with being autistic doesn’t help. It’s impossible to be 100% good all the time. It’s impossible to 100% good in everyone’s eyes. Good, Evil, they’re all subjective- everyone contains multitudes. I contain multitudes. There was something deeply healing about hearing John call himself both.

I have struggled with the darkest parts of myself a lot, especially in recent times, and so has John. But the fact that I can be mean, or selfish, or petty- it doesn’t make me unworthy of love. It doesn’t make John unworthy of love. When I fuck up I still have to take accountability for it, I still want to strive to be better, but I am allowed to be complicated. I’m allowed to be messy. Hearing John acknowledge that about himself out loud felt like confirmation that I am allowed to acknowledge it about me as well. (I haven’t even murdered anyone, so if John can accept himself so can I). I don’t know it I completely agree on John’s outlook on life, but that’s okay. I don’t need to. It’s his own, and that’s all it needs to be.

It feels silly to say, but I feel like my relationship with John as a character has grown so much, especially with these past couple episodes. I like to joke about it a lot, but I really did not like John when I first started Malevolent. I thought he was a fantastic character, but I couldn’t stand him. His manipulation, the way he deflected blame, it got under my skin. My opinion on him had just as many ups and downs as Arthur’s did, if not more. One moment when I was live-blogging to my friends I’d be typing “JOHN STOP BEING A FUCKING DICK”, the next moment “guys I think John is growing on me”. But this episode made me really feel like for the first time, I really understand him. Like I’m seeing for the first time him as everything he is. And that’s really special to me, in a way that’s hard to describe.

And the hag. Oh, the hag. She’s everything I love in a villain, it’s like she was crafted to get under my skin. She’s a lot like the kind of villains I love to write, and I’ve gotta say, being on the opposite end- being the audience- and getting twisted in that manipulation? It was AWESOME. I am delighted to say that I got caught up in her story at first, that I almost lost sight of the goal like John did. She’s incredibly written and I feel like I understand her, and that just adds such an extra layer to her cruelty. There’s so much I want to say about her but I don’t even know how to put it into words. She’s a wonderfully written character and I’m going to be thinking about her for a while.

This episode was beautifully written and masterfully crafted, and has more than earned the praise it’s been given.

[neowinestainedress]

𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐒𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐔𝐒 — 𝐂𝐇.𝟏

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐍𝐄 — 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 — 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐎 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: lee haechan x oc ; lee haechan x haechan's ex gf!oc 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄: fluff, childhood best friends to lovers, strangers to lovers, exes to lovers, lovers to exes | requested 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: after a year of drying tears, and three of dating, haechan’s ex-girlfriend comes back in their life and hyejin’s biggest fears start growing again. But everything is fine because hyejin and haechan fit right into each other palm. 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: none 𝐖𝐂: 4k 𝐀/𝐍: can't believe the first chapter is finally out, i know it took me SO LONG but i hope the anon that requested it is still around to enjoy this. i have many mixed emotions about this series but i hope you will love it. feedback means the world, whether it's a comment, a reblog (it helps to boost the fic so more people can see it), or an ask, please send your thoughts! enjoy ♡

Haechan’s place was quiet; the only sounds that could be heard were the clicking of his fingers on the keyboard and some curse spilling from his lips. The place wasn’t big, and the walls weren’t thick either, even a small drop of water could be heard from another room if the house was filled with silence. 

A smile curled Hyejin’s lips as she kept her focus on the food on the stoves and tried to don’t let herself get distracted by her boyfriend. 

It was a typical Friday night in October. After the end of university, they dumbly believed they would’ve been freer, but real life proved them wrong swiftly, and between work and other things, finding a moment for each other seemed even harder than when their afternoons were filled with essays, books to study and projects to turn in before midnight. So, they tried to make up for some time together the best they could, slowly building their everyday life with small habits. They didn’t live together, not yet, at least. No matter how much they wanted to, especially her, they couldn’t afford a house together, not one that was big enough for the future. 

While Haechan was more grounded and focused on the present — that alone was making him struggle to sleep at night — Hyejin dreamed a lot about the future. Even if in the last months her talks about it died down, too afraid she was scaring Haechan away with all her dreams of getting married and having kids, in her heart, those dreams didn’t die down. She could see it. The picture of their happy family was clear as the sky in her mind. After all, that was everything she ever dreamed of and with the person she loved since she was able to point out what feelings are. 

And surely those evenings together weren’t like living together, but it was close. She spent more nights there than in her small, rented place with her best friends, especially at night, when that was the only time they could be together without having to do other things. 

But none of this was different from their childhood. All the times they fell asleep in each other’s bedroom after running all day, or when they would hide because they refused to go back home. The only difference was the place; their houses in their small hometown now were a small apartment on the third floor of a building in Seoul. 

When the timer rang, bringing Hyejin out of her thoughts, she shook her head and turned off the fire, careful not to burn herself while she placed the food on the plates she already took out from the shelf beforehand.  

“Food’s ready,” she said, knocking on his door, opening it ajar, only seeing Haechan’s back at the desk, the light of the computer was almost blinding in the small dark room. 

“Yeah, I’ll — fuck, Mark, can you look what you’re doing?” He yelled to the screen, letting out an annoyed puff of air before he waved her off, without drifting his gaze and addressing her dismissively, “I’ll be there soon, start without me.” 

She chuckled, finding him endearing when he was so caught up. “Hi, Mark,” she greeted, raising her voice to make sure the boy would’ve heard from Haechan’s mic. A smile spread on her lips when their friend greeted her back, and then she talked to her boyfriend again, “Don’t worry, I’ll wait.” 

October that year seemed a bit colder than usual, or maybe it was that place that felt off when Haechan wasn’t with her. And now that time was passing by as slowly as a drop rhythmically coming out of a broken sink, she could swear she never felt colder.

Hyejin had stopped manically staring at the clock, checking every two seconds as if two minutes could pass instead. She simply stared at the hot food in front of her, following the path of the smoke dispersing in the air and creating a grey cloud. It was like puffing air on the outside. But she didn’t want the food to go cold, she cooked it with so much love for Haechan, and she knew he must’ve been starving, so she put it in the microwave, hoping it was enough to keep it warm.

And time started weighing down on her again now that she had nothing to obsess herself with. 

She sighed, slumping on the sofa and pulling out her phone. 

hye♡ pls injunnie tell me they’re almost done 

renjunnie bold of you to assume i understand anything about games 

hye♡ sigh😔

renjunnie i’m sure they lost track of time. i can scold jeno if you want to!

hye♡  no it’s alright!!! 

let them play they’ve been busy 

and work is stressing hyuckie so I don’t want to bother him

renjunnie k

i’m sure he’ll make it up to you somehow 😉 

hye♡  RENJUN! 

renjunnie bye! you two were loud af so i can tease you all i want 

hye♡ 🙄 

She chuckled before locking the phone again and stretching, deciding to turn on the TV and let time pass by in some other way. 

“You waited an hour?” When Haechan’s voice resonated in the living room she almost skipped a beat, not expecting him to come out of the room for at least another thirty minutes. 

“Yeah, I told you,” she smiled, turning around and chuckling softly while her eyes ran on his body. He looked good with anything on, but those casual clothes were so dear to her. It reminded her of the most honest and real Haechan, the one that didn’t care about what people had to say, the one she spent hours watching trash movies or tv shows with, the one she rushed to the supermarket with after only putting a jacket and shoes on, or the one that was standing in front of her right now. “You look sexy like this,” she winked and he shook his head, hiding the light embarrassment before he walked into the kitchen. 

“You cooked?” 

“Yeah, prepared teobokki, but I think we have to reheat it now, unless you want to eat gum,” she commented, pulling the two dishes out of the microwave. “I’ll use the pan in the sink.” 

“No, I’ll do it,” he said, grabbing the dishes from her hands, and coming face to face. 

Her eyes lit up before she leaned in and left a peck on his lips. “Will you blow up the kitchen, Ramsey?” 

Haechan playfully pushed her away with a swing of the hip before turning on the stove and flipping the teobokki in the pan. “I can reheat some food for five minutes. Go pick a movie or something you want to watch.” 

“No complains?” She asked, pointing a finger at his chest. 

Haechan nodded, “I owe it to you, I’m sorry I made you wait.” 

“Alright, so you won’t complain about Clueless.” 

“Damn, for the nth time?” 

“It’s my comfort movie and it’s my pick, think about the food instead,” she said, rushing out of the kitchen to reach the sofa and select the movie. 

When Haechan sat on the couch, placing the two plates on the table in front of it, he furrowed, not seeing the movie on the screen. 

“What’s that?” 

“Something we’ve never seen before,” she said. “I mean, we saw the first but not the sequel.” 

“Oh,” he whispered, passing a pair of chopsticks in her hands, “are you sure? I was kidding before, you know?” 

She hummed with her mouth already stuffed with teobboki, not even giving Haechan time to warn her about how hot they were. “I’m hungry,” she mumbled with her mouth closed and a sweet crease on her forehead. 

“My fault, sorry,” he said, picking up the ceramic and starting to blow on the food to cool it. “But again, we can watch Clueless, I don’t mind that I know every dialogue by heart.” 

“As you should, that’s a classic, it’s basic culture,” she joked, shifting closer to him until their legs brushed together and their shoulders touched. That was home to her, the physical contact, feeling him close even if they weren’t doing anything exciting, it was normal, it was calming, and it was what she always knew. Haechan was the only stable island of her life, the only land that wasn’t non-unexplored, and didn’t sink into the ocean. The only constant star that she could always look at to come home. She didn’t know how she would’ve survived without him, without this. 

“And what’s this?” 

“Knives out, remember? The detective and the spoiled rich people being put back in their place?” 

“Oh,” Haechan laughed, “I love it.” 

The weekend passed by too fast for Hyejin’s liking, two days and a half felt like two hours, and when the erratic mood of the week picked up again, the last thing she wanted to hear was about Haechan’s ex coming back to Korea. 

The grunt that escaped from her lips couldn’t masquerade the fake, sweet tone of her voice when she accepted tonight’s dinner through the phone, but Haechan couldn’t see her, and she was glad for that so they could avoid another countless fight over her. 

Hyejin couldn’t get it. She simply couldn’t see why after all the pain she put him through, Haechan still welcomed her with open arms. Did he forget about what he had been through, what they had been through? Because she surely didn’t delete the memories of their nights up, her being Haechan’s shoulder to cry on, constantly, before they dated, while they dated, and after. 

Zoya was perennial tears sewed into Haechan’s eyes and Hyejin had spent precious hours unstitching them to put a smile on his face. 

But what could she do now? If she knew about the tears, she also knew the reason why, and if she had to be honest, and leave the childish pettiness in the back of her heart, she had to admit that lots of those tears were caused by Haechan himself being too caught up in her, and being just a dumb, teenager boy that didn’t know how to balance his emotions. 

And after all, if they decided to meet again, it could only mean they made it up, patched up the shredded tapestry she ripped away when she left without a word, and they could start again, as friends. 

Because that was what they were. 

Friends. 

All of them. 

That was how it started; when Hyejin and Haechan approached the new shy girl from New Dehili who would always sit alone in a corner during lunch in elementary school. When they invited her home and helped her learn Korean as they slowly started to spend more and more time together. When Haechan’s eyes started shining with a different light in middle school every time he looked at her, and how her eyes never reciprocated the same glint. When Hyejin would stare in silence, feeling her heart sink in her chest, hearing her friend’s voice talk about her so full of love. When their trio stopped being one and Zoya found better friends, but somehow still kept in touch with Haechan, and all of a sudden there were no more tears left to dry on his cheeks. 

Friends. 

Until they weren’t. 

Until Zoya and Haechan started dating. And she was back at their bigger high school table with all their friends, happy. And Hyejin wasn’t so sure about her place anymore, it surely wasn’t the place she wanted, but it was still at Haechan’s side, and even at Zoya’s side, even if she couldn’t recognize her friend anymore. 

And now there was this awkward tension in the air as the car sprinted down Seoul’s streets, and Haechan sang carelessly as a Shinee song passed by the radio. She felt numb, unsure about what to feel. A tiny, invisible, part of her was happy to see her again. Surely, they had stopped talking like when they were kids, but she still considered Zoya her friend, and when she ripped a part of Haechan’s heart, she also ripped a part of hers. Another was terrified, because she knew her, and she envied her. Because during all the nights she spent awake, caressing Haechan’s cheeks, she slowly got why Haechan was so enchanted by her, and tonight was going to be yet another painful reminder. 

“Why are you pouting since we arrived?” Haechan asked as they silently walked to the restaurant, his hands tucked in the pockets of his jeans, far away from her lingering hands begging to be taken into his. 

Hyejin let out another bitter chuckle, rubbing her palms on her arms, trying to fight the cold and the nervousness. “I don’t get why she has to be here.” 

“That’s literally for her, she’s finally coming back to Seoul after years, I think it’s only right to celebrate.” 

Celebrate. What was to celebrate? Hyejin didn’t even know what she had come back for. “Yeah, whatever,” she whispered, so low under her breath that the cars passing by overshadowed her voice, not that Haechan would’ve given her an answer anyway. He was too caught up in what was about to happen, and even if he didn’t say it out loud, she knew he found her behaviour annoying and childish. 

When they pushed the door of the restaurant Haechan picked for the occasion — a cosy, traditional place downtown — it didn’t take them long to spot Zoya at a table in the far corner of the room. She was eye-catching no matter where she was or what she wore, all eyes were on her so effortlessly. 

“Hyuck!” She screamed, waving when they approached. Hyejin was standing right behind her boyfriend to shield herself from her because she knew that seeing her would’ve ruined her mood in a second. 

“Zoya!” He greeted her back, pulling her into a tight hug. For Hyejin it lasted way too long but she couldn’t complain, it made sense; when she didn’t let jealousy take over her, it made sense.

“Hi,” Hyejin whispered, moving her hand shyly and feeling her heart drop when she finally, and bravely, took a look at her. 

“Look at you, Hyejin,” Zoya cheered, perfect white teeth shining in a warm smile, unexpectedly bringing her close in a hug. “You got bangs? You look amazing.” 

She found it hard to believe, especially when she looked like that. “Thanks,” she breathed out, shily tugging a strand of hair behind her ear, suddenly feeling too conscious about her appearance. “The red strands? You always rock bold looks,” she commented, staring at Zoya’s hair and how unfairly gorgeous she looked. Zoya was a goddess, and it wasn’t surprising it took Haechan months to get over her. If she was him, she probably wouldn’t ever get over her. 

“Yeah. Wanted to try something new,” she said, sitting and watching them do the same, taking their place in front of her on the bench. “I even tried blonde, never again,” she joked, handing them the menu. 

“I bet you looked beautiful even like that,” Haechan commented, his eyes beaming while he stared at the girl facing him, and Hyejin forced a smile on her lips while she hid her face behind the menu. Maybe focusing on the food was better than this. 

“Hyejin.” Only at what might have been the 50th call of her name, Hyejin turned around and was brought back from blankly spacing into her plate. “Are you okay?” Zoya asked and she hummed, realizing she didn’t pay attention to a single word they had said, by now for half an hour. 

“Yeah, just, sorry, I zoned out,” she smiled, hoping it would’ve been enough to brush away the awkwardness, after looking at Haechan who was staring at her before bringing his attention back to his food. 

The red-haired showed her teeth in a reassuring smile and then spoke again, “We were talking about college; how did it go?” 

“Stressful,” Hyejin mumbled. Real life sucked in her opinion, while everyone around her seemed so hyped about new adventures and work and bills to pay, she just wanted to cry and go back in time, maybe even pick a different major because, who would’ve thought, art doesn’t pay the bills as much as being a doctor does. And now that Zoya was here, she wished even more that college didn’t end. Why was she even back? She flew back to India for who knows what reason, and now was back in Seoul. To work? Or to steal Haechan from her? 

“I felt the same but look at us now. There are so many roads we can take from now on!” She exclaimed and Hyejin faintly made out Haechan cheering in agreement before their conversation drifted somewhere else and she slumped in her thoughts again. 

She didn’t do it on purpose, it was a mechanism of defence since she was a child. She couldn’t bear staying at their side for long before her brain started to compare herself with her, and that would lead to a weird mix of self-hatred and Zoya-hatred thoughts she couldn’t bear. 

Zoya was perfect, actually. She had no reason to hate her, if only it wasn’t for what had been between her and Haechan before. Zoya hurt Haechan so much when she broke up with him with no warning and flew to another country, and the one that dried all his tears was her. She could still remember the nights spent up, talking him through it, trying to calm him down and uselessly trying to make him see that she never deserved him. And all those talks and cries led to this, to them, to Haechan finally realizing the feelings he had for Hyejin for so long and simply never wanted to admit. The same feelings she cherished in her heart secretly for years while she watched in the distance — or closeness — him being in love with someone else. 

And now that Zoya was back, just as casually as she left, Hyejin couldn’t believe how things were flowing between them, it was as if nothing happened, as if all those tears that scratched Haechan’s cheeks had never fallen from his eyes, as if all the bleeding didn’t happen. How could Haechan forgive so easily? How could they still fit so perfectly? 

When the dinner ended and they exchanged the last greetings, the walk to the car was silent but not tense and awkward like the walk there. Hyejin searched for Haechan’s hand and held it tight, locking their fingers and finally feeling at ease again. It was as if all the pieces went back into place when they were together and all her nonsense paranoids disappeared in the sky, drifting away in the wind. 

“Was it so terrible?” Haechan asked, pulling his hand away to wrap his arm around her shoulders and push her close to his body.  

Hyejin shook her head, hiding a dumb smile at his action, reclining her head to hide the warmth on her face. She couldn’t grade that night, not in an honest way at least, but she didn’t want to vent about it with him, she frankly didn’t want to talk about her for the rest of the night. 

“Can we grab ice cream before going back home?” She asked, hoping Haechan wouldn’t have changed the topic again. 

“Sure,” he said, opening the door of the passenger seat. “Hop inside, I’m taking you to our favourite place.” 

Sitting on a bench with the chill air of the night and eating ice cream wasn’t the smartest idea but something about it was soothing. The quiet of that part of town, the blue sky over them, and the shoes on the ground of the people passing by were a nice accompaniment. 

“Don’t lean into me,” Haechan said when she shifted closer, softly pushing her away and glaring at her.

“Why?” She pouted, creating a deep crease on her forehead. 

“We know how clumsy you are, you will make it all drop on me,” he said, pointing at the cone in her hand. 

She rolled her eyes, huffing loudly because, even if that made sense, she still wanted to be closer to him, and he pushed her away. 

“Can I sleep at your place, at least?” She stopped, licking the chocolate and squeezing her eyes when the cold got to her brain. “So we can cuddle.” 

“Cuddle?” Haechan teased, voice coming out lower while his lips curled in a smirk. 

“Yes, dumbass,” she screamed, slapping his arm away. “You took me out with your ex, you’re not getting laid for at least a month.” 

Haechan gasped dramatically, shaking his head. “One month? Why are you so cruel? I even paid for your ice cream.” 

She shrugged, waving him off with a move of the hand. “Don’t care, can’t care, won’t ever care about it.” 

The black-haired snorted, “Yeah, we know that you won’t last a month.” 

“Bet?” The challenging look she reserved for him was supposed to appear more threatening than it was, but it only made her boyfriend chuckle. 

Haechan scoffed, staring at her in disbelief. “Really?” 

“Yeah, if you’re so sure that I will be the first one to give up, what do you have to lose?” 

He snorted and then nodded. “Fine, fine, what do we bet?” He asked. “No,” he said, watching her smile turn into a devilish smirk. “Whatever you’re thinking, it’s a big no.” 

“I’ll think about it, maybe money, maybe edging you for hours, maybe something funnier,” she winked, after licking her lips sensually.  

“You are evil,” he huffed before going back to his ice scream that was almost finished. 

“You are worse.” 

Haechan scoffed. “By the way, of course, you can sleep at mine. Oh, wait, I hope my girlfriend isn’t home, maybe we should take this somewhere else.” 

Hyejin pushed him away with a harsh push and almost made him fall to the ground. 

“What has taken over you tonight?” He yelled, staring at her with wide eyes. 

“That’s what you get,” she smirked before standing up. “And let’s head to the car, I wanna go home.” 

Haechan hummed, throwing in the bin the paper in his hand, and then they started walking to his car, this time with their arms intertwined. 

The way back home was quieter, while they hummed some tunes on the radio, trying to fight off the sleep from their eyes until they made it home. Once inside, Haechan turned on the heater and Hyejin walked straight to the bathroom to get ready for the night. She walked the place as if it was hers, knowing where everything was, moving around so nonchalantly. 

And exactly the way she was walking in the living room, brown hair pinned back, big soft pajamas taking her clothes place, bare feet with socks on the wooden floor, and toothbrush in her mouth as she turned on the tv, trying to find something interesting, made something pop up in Haechan’s mind. 

“Oh, Hyejin,” he called, making her turn around, head tilted to the side and a small dimple on her cheek. “I forgot to tell you something. I’m sorry, I wanted to, but it slipped my mind.” 

She frowned and then ran to the bathroom to clean her mouth. 

“There will be quite a big change,” Haechan said, leaning against the bathroom frame, watching as she dried her face with a towel and applied moisturizer on her face. 

“A big change?” 

“Yeah, you know since Mark and Renjun moved out I can’t afford this place all alone, so a new friend of mine will move in.” 

“Oh, that’s great, so maybe you can start saving again,” she smiled, feeling happiness fill her heart.  

“Yeah, and also start breathing again. We can spend more time together if I can drop one of my two jobs.” 

“That’s amazing,” she cheered, cupping his cheeks before pulling him down to kiss his lips. “Do I know him?” 

“Nope, not yet. I’ll introduce you to him next Friday.” 

“I can’t wait to meet him.” 

© neowinestaindress; all rights reserved. do NOT repost, modify, or translate any work from this blog on any other platform and claim it as yours. you can find my works on ao3 (neowinestaindress) and wattpad (winestaintedress_; currently inactive).

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @smwhirnthehaze ; @liliansun ; @moonstar127 ; @novawon | comment under the masterlist to be added | general taglist: @froggyforyoongi , @wingsss45 ; @tddyhyck

[quibbs126]

I can finally post this, after weeks!

But yeah, this here is something I made to celebrate the 9th anniversary of Evoland 2

Some people may remember this work in progress from weeks ago, but now I can finally show the finished product. Which I finished 2 weeks ago

It’s based on the 3D picture you get when you finish the game, specially the 100% completion, and more specifically, my screenshot that I took when I first completed the game and got 100%

Though I should probably also note that this was the only picture I had of the beach scene until I was mostly done with the picture, so there are some inaccuracies between it and the original. Except for Reno in place of the Prophet, that was completely intentional

This game was I think the first (and will probably be the only) game I’ve ever 100% completed, and when I did it the first time, it was just because I knew that games would have extra things for those who 100% it, and I wanted to see what the game would give me. It’s the only time I was so invested in a game that I had to know what I’d get if I got everything. It’s also the only game where losing nearly 10 hours of progress due to a (maybe) glitch does not make me give up the game in frustration, but instead complete the entire thing within a single school week

I may gripe about my issues with the game, but I absolutely love it, and I have a lot of fun playing it. Well, aside from the parts I’m bad at, but that’s just because I’m bad at them. I feel like I have next to nothing to complain about from a gameplay perspective (which is in part because I don’t know how to critique gameplay, but also because I think any issues I have are my own fault), it’s just narrative stuff. And even then, I wouldn’t nitpick it so much if I wasn’t so invested in the world, story and characters

Maybe today I’ll start replaying it again, seeing how I’m pretty sure I’m free today from any schoolwork

I’m still holding on to some admittedly delusional hope that a 3rd game could release one day, even if I know it’ll almost certainly have nothing to do with this one, but even if it never does, I’ll still have this game to play over and over again, so I can accept it

I was disappointed that I missed the last two, since I first played the game in 2022, but not this year, I remembered!

Now to just talk about the art itself, the reason there’s two versions is because I originally made the background lineless, but after finishing the characters I thought it maybe clashed a bit too much, so I made a duplicate of the picture to do a lined version. But I also spent so long on the lineless version that I didn’t want to just leave it in the void, so I’m showing it too

Admittedly now I think I can say the lined version probably is the better one, but I can still show off both

I used the card colors for the characters, since all of them have cards for reference, but now I’m looking at the colors and thinking they look somewhat wrong. At least on Menos

Also as mentioned prior, I switched out the Prophet for Reno. I know I’m biased but I really think he’d fit in this picture of all the main characters far more than the Prophet, considering he’s kind of the reason the plot started, the second half happened, and he’s the main motivation for one of our party members. I mean, I see why the Prophet’s there in the original. He’s really the only other semi-important character with a 3D model, and Reno never had one, so they’d have to make an entirely new one just for this extra thing. Also it doesn’t make sense for him to have a 3D model in the first place, especially not of his Present era self. But not only is this now a drawing where I have the power to do what I want, this scene isn’t canon in the first place, so put Reno in the background there!

Overall though, I’m honestly surprised the piece turned out as good as it did. Those who follow me know that I was really struggling with drawing during the summer, more specifically drawing people and the Evoland 2 cast. But despite all that, I think the characters turned out pretty well. Certainly not the best, but better than I was expecting. And not only that, but the background turned out so much better than I thought it would, especially since I don’t usually do backgrounds. Though I suppose it does help to have a reference for all this though. But yeah, there was a reason I was so proud of how the sketch turned out, and while the final product may not have entirely been what I was hoping for after the sketch, it still turned out pretty good

As long as I can remember it next year (which I really hope I can, considering that’s the 10th anniversary), I’ll try to make something there too, hopefully with much improved drawing skills, since I’m still trying to figure all that out again still

Not sure what I’ll draw then. Maybe I could redraw the beach scene, or make an entirely new beach scene concocted by my brain. But it’s also the 10th anniversary next year, so maybe it should be something more special

Ah well, that’s next year’s problem. For now, have this to celebrate the game’s anniversary. For the minuscule amount of people who actually play this game, I guess

[mariii1]

✨🏳️‍🌈𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙂𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙨 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙂𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙀𝙪𝙥𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙖?🏳️‍🌈✨

YEAHHHHHHHHJJHHHH

MY FIRST COLLAB EVERRR! Thank you so much to @upheavalofmemory for collaborating with me, this was honestly quite fun to plan everything out. I'll probs post again after this in another three months! 😜😘

Piles go from left to right from 1-6 🤗

Pile 1: Library: “Take control of your own narrative” Writing. Writing yourself into stories where you are your desired gender and have your desired appearance. Consuming content with people of your gender is also incredibly gender euphoric for you. You love getting representation for your gender, and it makes you feel a sense of bliss. Lavender: “Surround yourself with love” Hanging out with friends who support you is something that gives you gender euphoria. Your friend groups may be gender-diverse which gives you a sense of euphoria as your role in those relationships isn’t limited to your gender. If you’re out to your friends, they might support you and use your desired pronouns and if not, you know they’re still great friends who would support you regardless (even if they don’t understand). Universe: “We’re all just stardust” Body neutrality might give you gender euphoria. Body neutrality is the idea of appreciating your body for what it can do, regardless of what it looks like or how it functions. Giving your body parts names that are gender neutral or euphoric in relation to your gender, especially if you haven’t gotten surgeries or don’t intend on getting surgeries. Also, the idea of your body being a “flesh vessel” might also give you some comfort. Feather: “Think first before you judge” Similar to the Lavender message, you appreciate people who take the time to listen rather than immediately declare that they don’t support you, people who are willing to listen and take the time to support you, even if they struggle with it or don’t fully understand it. The efforts that family, friends, and/or acquaintances go through are something that gives you gender euphoria.

Pile 2: I think you guys want to be able to embrace your femininity in a way that works for you. I'm getting drag but it doesn't have to be about drag necessarily, just hyper femininity especially if you guys are amab. I feel it's been a constant struggle for you to determine what makes you feel feminine. You don't fit in or align with regular societal conventions around being feminine especially if you're somebody who's into new age stuff or if you're in a more conservative country. You may have a hard time with some of the gender roles and expectations of women or just what it means to be feminine in that culture. Sitting with yourself and really reflecting on what makes you feel feminine will help. Being surrounded or wearing very cute things, specifically getting the coquette aesthetic or just fairy/mystical nature vibes. Having a femininity that isn't like super hyper sexualized but also makes you feel very confident or at least one where you don't feel like you have to compete with other women to be more feminine. A lot of you have struggled with people telling you that you're not feminine enough or you're too feminine if you're male presenting. Really trying to separate from yourself and how you've been programed to see femininity in general especially if you struggle with being surrounded by toxic masculinity. some of you may also get euphoria from dressing up more gothic or alternative but may feel like you can't out of a fear of judgement. Also dark coquette vibes like black lace and doll like clothing. For some of you, you think that if you start wearing darker clothing, you'll be seen as an outcast but I personally think you'd just look really cute. some of you are also interested in wearing latex or bdsm clothing.. You could also try introducing that into your wardrobe little by little, maybe wearing a lowkey harness with your regular clothes or wearing latex stockings under a long skirt.

Pile 3: Grey: “Endings are inevitable” & Tree: “Let them go” Letting go of toxic people and cutting loose ends gives you gender euphoria. You (TW!) might not have supportive family members or friends, and you may intend on cutting them off. The idea of cutting them off and getting freedom from them, being able to be authentically yourself gives you gender euphoria. Burning those bridges and finding a new community to settle in (found family) may also give you gender euphoria, and you may or may not already have these people in your life. Tower: “Unplug & relax for a spell” Self-care makes you feel gender euphoric. You may have already transitioned (if you intend to) or you already feel confident in your body and your body makes you feel euphoric. You may focus on the small details of your body that give you that subtle confidence, and it makes you feel great. You may also be a witch or practice magic, which also gives you gender euphoria. You may study LGBTQ+ figures in religion or worship them, or feel accepted by them. In your religion or faith of choice you might feel unjudged and it gives you a heavy sense of euphoria and relief. Voyage: “You already have all the answers” Similar to the message from Tower, your body and the changes it goes through give you gender euphoria. You might be growing a bit of stubble, or your voice is finally pitched to perfection, or you were (finally) addressed as the gender you are in the grocery store or something similar. Also, knowing who you are and having that confidence within you gives you gender euphoria.

Pile 4: I'm already getting similar vibes to pile number 2 but even more dark and alt mostly gothic lolita and darker more fancy alt clothing. You guys might really love (or would love) to present as genderless. You might also identify as agender. Some of you might want to have a body that isn't super adult like and genderless in that way. It's not a weird regression thing but more having a body that can't be sexualized or presents as very neutral. There's specific top surgery for this but i forgot the name, def look into it though if it's something you might be interested in. A lot of you peeps give me Mana from Malice Mizer vibes (an iconnnn✨) He (and gothic lolita and the visual kei style in general) present as genderless at least to me. I think you guys would really appreciate retro or old Gothic clothing, again gothic lolita also vampire like goth clothing? That sounds snazzzy. I'm also getting glam rock for some of you (I've been into glam rock drag lately, it's perfect) Clothing where people literally would look at you and would just stutter when figuring out what pronouns to use for you. Just everyone being confused would honestly give ya'll a lot of euphoria. Also, if there was a particular style that you really liked in your childhood or admired/looked up to, definitely revisit that.

Pile 5: You might also be attracted to pile three. Mural: “Be your own first priority” & Potion “Practice self love.” Putting yourself and your needs first gives you the feeling of gender euphoria. Knowing you are advocating for yourself and the things you need, having the confidence to charge in without fear. Not focusing on the bigots, and being your best authentic self surrounded by people who accept you. Sundress: “Do it for you” & Evil Queen: “You deserve sugar, not salt.” (18+!) Dressing in feminine clothes might give you gender euphoria, depending on your gender or gender expression. Or in general, dressing the way you’d like to dress in terms of your gender. Possibly doing gender-positive makeup, using it to affirm your identity. You might participate in drag if it is applicable or dress as (stereotypically) different genders (especially if you are nonbinary or anywhere under the genderfluid umbrella). Additionally, (18+!) participating in sexual acts that reaffirm your gender gives you gender euphoria. Lighthouse: “Don’t doubt your worth” Like the first section, being an absolute bad b!tch is something that gives you gender euphoria. You might proudly be out of the closet, advocating for trans-youth, a nightmare in the comments sections (in a good way!), calling out bigots, etc. Such powerful energy honestly from this pile. You get gender euphoria by being your absolute, unapologetic self, even if it pisses off some people, you’d gladly piss them off and then some more, existing just out of spite.

Pile 6: You guys might suffer severely from (CW!) gender dysphoria. You may be considered more voluptuous or round especially for your gender. I'm getting a lot of amab people here, especially if you weigh more than others. I'm getting a lot of you just want to get rid of what you perceive to be womanly. At the same time, what would make you happier though is taking the time to plan your transition out. The transition itself would obviously give you lots of euphoria but you might feel as though you have to rush through your transition or as if there's no way you can live with the amount of dysphoria you have at the moment. I'm not saying that to say you should stay upset with your body and postpone any gender-affirming healthcare. However, I think you might need more exploration than you've initially thought. I also think talking to people about your feelings around your body would be really helpful or even just journaling about the changes that you might want and specifically why you want them. Again, not in a way to put yourself down but as a way to really think and see what would bring you happiness. And for some of you that is just losing weight and not being as curvacious. There might also be smaller ways to ease your dysphoria too. I think if you have been brought up by a more conservative family, you were programmed to believe in general roles especially in terms of your body that you definitely still should unpack. If you've ever felt like you're unnatural for feeling this way or as if transitioning was unnatural, you should just love your body the way it is. yada yada, I want you to know that whatever you believe in (whether that's a higher power, spirit guys, or just you know your future self) they DO want you to make this transition and they do approve of you making bodily changes in a way that would really make you happy. I honestly relate to this group and I feel like I'm gonna cry but just know we're all rooting for you!

[ashsostrange]

it’s stand on business o’clock, cz i know y’all sick gw*les & p*nkflower shippers + delulu gwen stans ain’t try to run my girl bree (@breeandhermunches) off her blog… you got me all the way fucked up and ima tag this in ALL the categories. you can’t do anything about it 🤣 if you’re upset, then scroll ho. if you know i’m not talking about you, then have a great day! 🫶 if the shoe fits, then wear it.

i’m getting disrespectful. ima return the energy you hoes dished out n you better take it like some mf champs. y’all wanted to fuck around so now you gotta hear my mouth and find out. read it ‘n weep. clearing you bitches gives me life.

such a shame we’re back here, but y’all are mad, mad miserable. like, i’ve never seen a fandom so chronically online. are you even trying to mask the fact that you rarely step outside anymore…? 😬

let me making it so very clear why i’m making this post in the first place, bc y’all seem to struggle with my main concerns never clicking in your heads.

y’all have the time to sit in somebody’s inbox and complain about their hatred towards fictional ships, meanwhile the people y’all complain about stay on their pages and mind their business? 🤨 those people being US. ion recall none of us going directly to YOUR pages to hate on punkflower and gwiles. if we hate, it’s on our pages. i don’t go looking for a mf fight, that’s mad childish. y’all were riding bree’s dick like crazy. at this point, her hate for gwiles must keep y’all up at night. talk to a therapist about that. it’s not healthy. i’m gna address ALL the bs y’all be on.

so now that you know why i’m posting this, let me set few things straight for y’all.

“don’t use the ship tag to hate! 🤬🤬” the day you copyright and trademark the tag, present me with an official “tumblr etiquette” rule book or, show me proof that you own tumblr is the day i’ll stop. ima do wtv i want whenever i want, please get that thru ya hollow ass heads. y’all aren’t entitled to anything. not respect, not no damn “common courtesy,” ESPECIALLY not over dysfunctional ships/fictional characters 🤣 i don’t owe you SHIT.

some of were y’all tryna go back and forth with me at the grown ass age of TWENTY. over GWILES. a sixteen yr old vs a twenty yr old, see your life 😂😂 it’s truly alarming. go get employed. if you alr are, then call your manager and pick up some more shifts bc you clearly ain’t doing enough. if college graduation rates begin to decline, i know exactly who to come to. everything’s going up and even tho you should be standing on some mf business so you can afford the cost of living, you’re arguing with teenagers online instead. a lot of you have too much free time.

“you posted this publicly under the tag, you can’t expect people not to want to argue” yes i can! block me and scroll. we don’t have to argue. i don’t remember starting an argument? i was never on your pages. i only reblog shit when it appears on my dash. like i said, i’m not searching far n wide for no damn fight. 🤷‍♀️ nobody told y’all to bitch, whine, and reblog mine or bree’s shit. your issue is that you have no self control. you don’t know when to hold yourself tf back, so you feel obligated to reply. god forbid someone has a differing opinion. my post was never even about the flaws in miles and gwen’s relationship. i was talking about how it is disappointing to see miles’ story be reduced to a love story. unfortunately, y’all forgot to put your glasses on beforehand and read “i hate gwiles.” yes, i hate gwiles!!! but that was not the point of my post. y’all are either illiterate or trying to let off some serious steam. i’m not having any of it. maybe y’all are upset i called you delusional, but you’ve effortlessly proven my point.

this is the internet. you have the tools to avoid seeing what me n bree hv to say, so why are you throwing a tantrum like a goddamn child instead of utilizing them?? you’re not special. the world doesn’t revolve around you and what you want. people are dying n you’re worried about a hate post under a ship tag?? mind you, that was the one and only “hate post” i’ve EVER put under that fuckass tag 😭 bree will make one post about gwiles, and y’all are the ones who’ll drag it out, then call her “obsessed.”we’re doomed bc y’all are doomed.

the white mfs complaining ab the term “snow bunny”… jesus 🤦‍♀️ ts didn’t even mean what you think it meant in the first place. it was originally used to refer to female skiers. some of y’all swear up, down, n all around that being “racist” to white people is the same as racism towards black people, and it’s not. let’s use “snow bunny” and the n-word as examples:

snow bunny had an alternative use before it was used to refer to white people. there’s no significant history behind it at all, unless you count tiktok as history. the n word has always been the n word. it’s always been derogatory, and anyone will a brain would know it’s mad history behind the word. it roots in deep hatred. people continue to use this word to belittle those who are black, or use it lightly around their friends nd behind closed doors as if it’s a common cuss word. y’all’s experiences with “racism” are nowhere near comparable to the experiences black people have BEEN facing and will be facing for fucking ever. white people have and always will be seen as the superior race, therefore, you face minimal to no “racism” outside of the internet, and i’d do anything to be able to say that. don’t even @ me talking about “🥹🥹 that doesn’t make racism against white people oka—“ i don’t care. at all. drink some water. you’ll be fine.

“you guys hate women!!!” “y’all hate gwen bc she’s white!!” like, you sound so fkn dumb nd all i can do is sit and stare at you.

me nd bree are black girls. people from EVERY race and EVERY ethnicity hate black people and EVERYONE hates black girls. hell, not even black men like us. why on god’s green mf earth would we ever want sb else to feel that way??

yk what y’all need to do? y’all need to quit whining and accept the fact that bree doesn’t like gwen because of what she did to miles. it’s as simple as that. stop trying to complicate things bc you so desperately want to deem her and other people who hate gwen “racists” or “misogynists.” no. i fw gwen heavy, nd me and bree are able to coexist bc neither of us are fucking delusional and regularly touch grass 🤷‍♀️ same thing with all my other mutuals.

meanwhile, you hoes get your panties in a twist when sb calls gwen a snow bunny as if she’s a sentient being who’s going to cry over ts, like, no. your feelings are hurt? take a fucking walk! nobody has to like her.

and punkflower, oh my god 😐 i’ve never been homophobic and i never will be. i’m literally queer. i’m not about that friendly fire before y’all try and call me homophobic. my thing is, if hobie was originally supposed to be a nineteen year old, n now his age is unconfirmed, why in the hell would we go and age him down to sixteen?? all y’all wna do is ship that man with miles or write smut about him. some of y’all wanna do both!! you change his age when it’s convenient to you. if you don’t see an issue with that, then i can’t help you. you’re weird. until i hear otherwise from one of the directors, he’s 19.

ghostflower or gwiles 🙃 the reason y y’all are sobbing or wtv. i thought y’all were exaggerating when you said gwiles was your religion, but it’s looking like i was very incorrect. real talk, ion like that fuckass ship. i don’t have to and neither does anybody else. just like you lames do with gwen, you dig deep in your ass for every problematic reason possible. “you have a racial bias!!!” “you hate interracial relationships!!” the fuck?? 😭 do you cunts read what you write before you post it?? “they’re more obsessed with gwiles than we are” “they must be in love with ghostflower & gwen”

…huh? covid really set some of y’all back tremendously because it seems a concerning amount of you lack critical thinking skills. in reality, just like hating gwen, the reason we dislike gwen and miles together is SO very simple. it all boils down to the fact that gwen did miles dirt. and i’ve made a separate post, i’ve talked about why they would never work imo. when i present y’all with my logical reasoning, you dgaf! so the only thing you can do now is shut the hell up, unclench, and cope. since you wna get in your feelings bout it, fuck gwiles, n fuck you too.

y’all even got some of your own people agreeing w me, props to y’all btw 👏 it’s never you i’m talking about.

i hate that y’all made it this deep bc it didn’t need to be. this is a fucking movie. none of this is real, yet you continue to harass me and bree like we murdered your immediate + extended family + the family dog that had cancer. i find myself hoping that one day y’all will realize how dumb you sound, but then i remember some of you niggas are already grown, so it’s looking quite improbable.

and also, don’t b up in my reblogs chattin’ it up about shit i’ve explicitly stated that idc about. i won’t repeat myself because you can’t read. if this post hasn’t shown you i don’t give even half of a fuck about you or your feelings regarding ANYTHING at this point in time, then i don’t really know what will 🤷‍♀️

if i made you mad, go ahead nd suck it up fa me. we won’t be going toe to toe and debating on MY blog because you’ll be actively wasting your own time, as i am not willing to hear anyone out. it’s been that way from the start and it won’t change. if you send an anon message or any type of inbox w some bs then it’ll sit there until the end of time or be swiftly deleted. if you reblog this post trying to invalidate anything i just addressed, i won’t even give you the time of day, bc i said everything that needed to said. i was very articulate and extremely clear. know that i can’t and won’t be swayed in the slightest. we’d just go back and forth until you decide to shut your mouth or block me. so block me now. ian the one.

if you don’t get it, then you don’t fucking get it, but what y’all aren’t gna do is treat people the way y’all were treating bree just because she hates two ships + gwen stacy. you complain about how the fandom sucks like you’re not the same people who make being in fandoms in unenjoyable.

you usually have to go to a therapist and pay for reality checks. luckily for y’all, i gave you one for free! you needed to be humbled and i happily did the humbling. lil piece of advice: stop trying to force people to gaf if they clearly do not. block and move on with your life. you gon get tired one day. leave me, bree, n anyone else you bother tf alone. spend your energy trying to change people’s minds on REAL ISSUES that actually matter, not fucking spider-man.

whew, ANYWAY… i hope i never have to speak bout this again. act right in the near future n i won’t have to “invade your tags” with long paragraphs in which i set you fools straight, thank yewww! 🫶

god bless!! 💗

[chireikiden]

Some unsorted (initial, I guess) retrospective thoughts on The Magician Who Loved a Fake.

First of all, Magician revisits a lot of themes and plot elements from Ashiyama’s two older doujins, Imaginative Power of Meiji ✕✕ (Reimu’s youth and struggle with her role) and especially Koushin Night (Marisa’s relationship with her dad, and even the part where she makes medicine for him). The final battle in Magician happening on the night of Koushin is a very blatant callback there. They don’t fit into the same continuity or anything, but I highly recommend reading them after Magician if you hadn’t read them before. They’re good.

===================

I loved (heh) how the meaning of the title kept getting expanded on. Is the “fake” that Marisa loves magic itself? Her dream? Her lifestyle? Herself? Reimu? Her image of Reimu? And whatever it is, will she still love it by the end? In the end, the answer was “yes” to all of those. If you’re gonna told me you took it for granted that Reimu was a candidate for the position of “fake” too, well, good for you I guess. But for me, that dawning realization was one of my favorite moments in reading this series.

Similarly, I enjoyed how at least my own impression of what the plot was “about” shifted over time. Of course, on a surface level, there’s the Magician Incident, but it’s never really sold as a huge deal in and of itself: it’s probably pretty clear from the start that it’s a lead-in to something more important. By Chapter 2, you’re led to think that the main conflict might be about Marisa becoming or threatening to become a youkai magician. “Reimu deals with Marisa becoming a youkai” is one of the most iconic and well-established plots in the Touhou fandom, with a lot of different takes, but possibly a risk of oversaturation as a result - at least as someone who’s translated a lot of them. I can’t help but wonder if that was a conscious reason that it ended up being teased and then subverted here.

Even as the story mainly focuses on them dealing with the Magician Incident, which starts developing new twists, the threat of a more important personal conflict looms in the background where Marisa has pushed it. In Chapter 9, the crisis of Marisa becoming a magician is suddenly and completely replaced by her personal crisis over not being one anymore. Reimu acts seemingly aloof about it at first, but by Chapter 11, Marisa has kind of settled into the new status quo while the story suddenly becomes about Reimu’s crisis over it – more or less the polar opposite of the conflict foreshadowed since Chapter 2, and of the usual trope. I think part of the reason Marisa settles into the village life is that Reimu is still there. When she disappears, Marisa misses Reimu first and foremost, and magic as the proxy that allows her to be with Reimu (as she admits out loud in Chapter 12).

Gensokyo of Humans did something slightly similar, with how the acute problem of Akyuu’s memory loss and impending death - while still serious - gave way to her much deeper misgivings about her lot in life. Although, in GoH’s case these problems were closely intertwined and mostly ran side-by-side rather than replacing one another as a twist, so it’s not the exact same or anything.

Even though Ashiyama’s on Twitter joking “Fooled you! This was a ReiMari manga from the start!” I think you can’t in all honesty call that a last-minute twist or rug pull or anything, as some people have taken it almost in bad faith. While it was arguably up in the air until Ch. 11 or so whether Reimu and Marisa’s relationship would be at the center of the story or not, I think by then it became well-established as the actual point of conflict (though as I explained above, it was there from the start).

In a related manner, from the very first cover page and announcement, the story is presented as an action-packed adventure manga. I don’t know how much of this was just marketing, but by SCoOW standards, it wasn’t wrong: at first, every chapter features at least one major combat scene. Thus the end of Chapter 8 is felt even on a meta level as the action comes to an end with a crunch and disappears from the story entirely. Marisa and Reimu’s grief over the loss of her magic is made a lot more real by the fact that much like Marisa’s life, the manga’s whole genre takes a shift (arguably towards something more normal for Ashiyama). Of course, Magician was never trying to present itself as an exaggeratedly happy-go-lucky shounen that would make this come across as an attempt at shock-value genre deconstruction or anything; but the complete disappearance of action from the manga reflects its disappearance from Marisa’s life in a way that wouldn’t come across if we’d never been shown that action to begin with. Of course, it’s still understandable to be annoyed by that if you preferred the action.

Personally, I absolutely liked the action scenes too, but they were maybe a little detached, and this shift made it easier to become invested in the emotional core of the story. (Of course, it also happened at the same time that the story became more emotional in general, so it’s hard to separate correlation and causation there.) And naturally, the final battle was great, both in its presentation and what it represented for Marisa as a character at that point. The way she’s forced to fight now - yet fights, and wins nonetheless - provides a big contrast for how she fought early in the series, when she was the second most powerful human in Gensokyo.

===================

Speaking of the “final” battle, let’s address what to me feels like something of an elephant in the room: similar to GoH, Magician has kind of a two-climax structure, where the story hits its first peak a bit earlier but then still needs to carry that energy forward to a second peak. Objectively that space between peaks is only like one chapter here, but it ends up feeling a lot longer. I was surprised but glad to see the inquisitor and witch’s story brought back and tied into the current one, but in retrospect, the pacing does suffer because of the page space dedicated to it then and there, when the story should be riding every bit of momentum from the final battle to the emotionally more significant ReiMari reunion.

While giving every bit of benefit of the doubt regarding the realities of working on a monthly manga, the squeezed pacing of the final chapter is the clearest criticism I have for this series. While it maybe says everything it needs to say - much of it being Marisa and Reimu telling each other what they have already told the audience, which is important - emotionally, it doesn’t work as well as it could, and kinda leaves the reader to expand on it in their own head. Having to digest an ending isn’t a bad thing, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true it lacked some oomph.

In GoH’s case, the emotional resolution came first and then had a relatively smooth falling-action slide into the practical resolution. Here it kinda felt like the other way around, and didn’t work out as well. This model/theory I keep talking about might well be flawed and overly based on comparisons to GoH, though.

===================

Marisa’s stay at her father’s includes multiple other characters speaking with authority about how it’s a good thing, basically trying to decide her life for her the way her father used to. However, Byakuren and Kourin are both only projecting their own attitudes onto her and acting sanctimonious about it without really understanding either her background or her present situation. Byakuren of course is an outsider in general, and her armchair psychology and talk of filial piety come across as rather out of touch, but even Kourin, who ought to know Marisa pretty well and in many ways does, has his head too far up his behind to see Marisa’s lifestyle as anything but an imitation of himself, caused by his influence. He takes it upon himself to “fix” it by forcing her back home, and even decides that he must disappear from Marisa’s life entirely or she’ll follow him back to the wrong path again like the child she is. Even above that infantilizing attitude, him deciding to abandon Marisa for good would probably have hurt her more than anything else he’d done, possibly a far worse abandonment than that by her father.

Kourin does throw in valid and I’m sure honest concerns about things like Marisa hurting herself (she was indeed acting irrational and self-destructive - though her literal suicide attempt only came after his and Reimu’s abandonment), but it’s hard to see his other behavior as grounded in anything but personal bias. Whether or not this is intentional and without drawing too strict connections between different doujins, his behavior here and in Imaginative Power of Meiji ✕✕ makes it look like he has a streak of putting Reimu and Marisa in bad situations just to satisfy his own self-righteous moral of the story, even though he’s always been the closest, most trusted adult for both of them.

I’m generally not the type to demand that characters get their “comeuppance”, but man, Byakuren at least admitted (in her mind) that she was manipulating Marisa. Even though I find this Kourin really interesting as a character, I couldn’t help but want some kinda acknowledgment - be it by himself or by someone else - that he was kind of a prick. I wish his and Marisa’s reunion had been shown rather than happen between scenes, at least.

===================

All in all, Ashiyama delivers. I really liked the manga from beginning to end, and can only really say I’m disappointed in the ending’s pacing. The story was emotional, emotionally satisfying, and interesting in ways I didn’t even get into here, like the different magicians who got to show up or the huge damn themes of passionate work for its own sake, feelings of academic inadequacy, and legacy beyond death - something the series had in common with GoH, really. Dunno if I really ever bring it up, but I’m actually a historian, so these themes in Ashiyama’s works really appeal to me. The actual “witch hunt” stuff felt iffy historically speaking, but I liked the way it was used in the story, and also how the magicians of Gensokyo were kind of tied into the outside world - or the Outside World as it is in Touhou, anyway. I kept thinking to myself, yeah, in the Touhouverse, why wouldn’t medieval inquisitors be going more after witches and using witchcraft themselves in order to do so? Especially once it was established that yeah, even though magicians exist in this world, they’re more than capable of avoiding the hunts, and the actual victims were still mostly just regular people.

Ashiyama (and his assistant or maybe assistants, who especially did a lot of the backgrounds) did great work with the visuals, and speaking as a translator, Ashiyama also has some of my very favorite dialogue to work with for some reason.

I dunno. This has been just kind of a ramble.

[liamgallaghermpreg]

this is a bit of a personal question, so i understand if you don’t want to answer! as someone who’s transmasc but fem i struggle to explain to others & rationalize myself why i feel more strongly aligned w/ fem men than fem women. it’s had me wondering whether i really am transmasc. i know that you as a transmasc are fem presenting & that you’re interested in pregnancy so i wanted to hear your take on it.

how do you differentiate between being a cis fem woman and a trans fem man? how does it “feel” different to you to be transmasc, and change how you see yourself? seeing your confidence in your photos and your comfort with your gender has been immensely helpful for me and it’d mean a lot if i could get your thoughts on this! :) pls answer if you feel comfortable

Hey anon! I’m extremely touched that me posting and stuff has helped you out🥺

I think first of all is that I try NOT to rationalize myself to people — I (we) don’t need to! One of the most important things a friend told me is “I don’t need you to get it or understand, I just need you to respect me.” This has especially been helpful with people like my parents who I genuinely think would get it more if I were a binary trans man lol. But they don’t have to get it! They just need to respectfully try to use my pronouns and say stuff like “my child” instead of “my daughter.”

Secondly, it’s important to remember that everyone’s gender journey is their own. It can be really hard to not get bogged down especially in this age of social media. Like I was posting about yesterday — it gets me down that I’m not so confident in HRT like a lot of people I know are! But also — and I know I’m immensely lucky for this — most of my friends are also trans and are very supportive of me and my identity which is very helpful. When I feel “less” trans I know that’s me projecting and not anybody making me feel that way.

Re: differentiating — I don’t see myself as a cis fem woman because I’m not! That sounds so stupidly simple but it really is. When I think of calling myself a woman I get this icky feeling all over. I don’t think this means I can’t connect to womanhood. I personally DO feel like I was a girl who later blossomed (lol) into a dude. I went through a lot of stuff as a girl that I still connect with. Doesn’t mean the trans shit wasn’t always there. Now that I know, I see a lot of egg moments in my younger self. But I still connect with my girlhood. A lot of trans people were always that gender and that’s awesome. I don’t feel that way, and that’s also okay. A great phrase I use a lot is “one person’s dysphoria is another’s euphoria.”

That all said — identifying with fem men over fem women definitely speaks to you identifying with masculinity. I think masculinity can be whatever you make it. Sometimes I feel so masc when I have a full face and super revealing dress on! I get it though, it sucks when people don’t see you how you are. And it can be a bummer to constantly correct people. It does get me down a lot. I think I take a lot of comfort in surrounding myself with people who respect me — I know this is easier said than done but I really recommend trying to get involved in your local queer community if at all possible, and if not finding people online.

Re: my presentation — I never felt like I was born in the wrong body or anything like that, I have way more social dysphoria. I don’t like that I’m seen as a woman walking down the street. I don’t like that when guys hit on me at the bar it’s 99% of the time because they think I’m just an alt girl. But I don’t want to change to fit what others perceive. I like my boobs! I like my pussy! I like my curves! And I think really trying to overcome the “this body type/presentation = woman” thing in your head is HARD but necessary. I totally get why others want top, bottom, etc. That’s their way of feeling more aligned with their gender and that’s fantastic. For me…it isn’t. Really trying to view these things as neutral is hard but necessary.

Same with pregnancy. Now I’ve wanted to be a mom since I was a little girl (see!) and now that I’m a grown man/masc/person that hasn’t changed. I really really view pregnancy as a neutral. It’s something my body can do and I want to do it. Society equates this (and wanting this — but there ARE cis men who want to be pregnant too! People of every gender!) with being a woman but working to remember and surrounding yourself with people who know it’s a neutral can be helpful. That’s another thing like…I would consider myself a mother. Some transmascs who choose to give birth may want to be called a father or another term. I view these terms as neutral in my head. Like gender identity it’s whatever feels right to YOU.

Whoever you identify with that makes YOU feel good is valid — like I know the word valid has been overused on the Internet but I really mean it. Like Joan Jett is on my gender moodboard as much as Kellan Lutz in Twilight. I really found comfort in finding my own style, which I describe as jock/goth (joth) lol and so playing around with that has been helpful. If fem men are how you feel connected to your masculinity — then hell yes! With stuff like makeup…I like makeup! That’s a value neutral! I like the artistry and playing around with it. I have to work to remember that it isn’t an inherently cisfem thing.

Unfortunately a lot of my coping is self-validation (and luckily, from my friends too) and believing that society will catch up.

I know this was SUPER rambly but my coping mechanism has been fake it till you make it from the time I was a 9 year old being bullied in 4th grade and it still is. If you act confident the confidence will come…

Idk how helpful this was but I hope it was a bit!

Btw — if you feel transmasc, then you are :) it’s as simple as that!

[agentdumortain]

AN INTERVIEW WITH JACKIE COHEN by Isaiah Mock for WHIPLASH MAGAZINE

(Top row: cover art from Jackie Cohen’s solo EPs About Yesterday and Give It Time. Bottom row: cover art of one of Stunts’ EPs “Leaning Backward” and their most recent release, “Didn’t See That Coming”.)

Jackson Cohen, better known as Jackie, is the frontwoman of one of alternative’s underdog up-and-coming bands Stunts. She tells me before she’s even sat down that she never expected to be where she is today. “I know a lot of people say that kind of thing under these circumstances, but I mean it in every sense.”

We discuss the obvious first; how the element of surprise, virality, and speed affects the path and struggles of becoming a public figure. But the singer feels that the "unexpected" sentiment she holds is even more relevant to her and the band's evolution since highschool. "I don't think our music is what we imagined it'd be at all, but we're pretty in love with it. That's a good thing!"

Cohen’s earliest works, both solo and collaborative with various members of Stunts, (past and present) are a far cry from what you’ve most likely heard from her today. Psychedelic pop, sweet and swooning, are accurate descriptors—sometimes even synthesized.

All of those elements are still found in Stunts’ recent projects, but the trajectory of their music has undoubtedly shifted into something heavier. Not darker, but in the literal way, with more weight. Post-punk and rock influences are obvious, especially in lyricism. There’s an air of confidence and lived experience that wasn’t present before. The singer names Jeff Buckley, Slowdive, The Smashing Pumpkins, and The Cure, as just a snippet of her and her bandmate's inspirations. “Y’know, I think—doesn’t everybody want to be someone else a little bit?” She smiles with some humor at the thought, but it’s clear she believes it.

“About Yesterday”, Cohen’s first EP, can be found scattered in many corners of the internet, (not on any formal streaming platforms, as it is rife with uncleared samples) where it’s often named as a favorite by indie popheads from all backgrounds. She made it in her basement with the help of her older brother and a few of his musician friends. “Realizing your older siblings are cool is a tough pill to swallow,” she jokes. “But at some point or another, they realize you’re kind of cool too, and that opens up a whole new world of opportunity. He [Jackie's brother] definitely encouraged my, um, my—penchant for music? That feels dorky to say."

“Artists like Imogen Heap, TV Girl, Mazzy Star; I looked up to them for sure while making that, [About Yesterday] and most of my other stuff too, to be honest. I think it was comfortable and fun to work in that style. I was able to express myself how I needed to at that time, and I still am, it just sounds hugely different from when I was 16.”

I ask her how that change in sound, as vague as that is, came to be. Does she attribute it to anything specific, or feel like it was a natural progression?

"Working as a team, probably? That will always yield different results and force you to "evolve" in some way or another. I was doing the band and my own thing at the same time, [in highschool] though, so if I came up with something I knew wouldn’t fit with Stunts, I could still take it somewhere else if I really wanted to. But I think meeting my friends, my bandmates, that was a really big part of the shift. Probably the biggest. They all have their own unique tastes and styles in what they consume and create. I grew up going to shows, but they have taken me to probably hundreds more at this point, and shown me stuff I wouldn't find on my own. They’re so versatile as musicians and artists, they’re always open to trying all these different things, but they don’t lose their standards or vision in the process. Ever. Um, they’re the best. Sorry—I’m rambling," she laughs. "Does that answer that question at all?”

Not even minutes later, we've bounced through several different subjects, Jackie sometimes asking me more questions than I can ask her. When I had reached out for an interview, she eagerly accepted the opportunity and invited me to come to her apartment rather than my initially suggested café. "Coffee shops can get so fucking loud!" She had emailed me.

We're still in her living room, which also serves as a makeshift studio. (She clarifies: "None of the real recording happens here, I think I would've been evicted by now if that were the case.") The space is small and full, but well organized. There's a few photos framed on her desk-side wall above her monitor, a handful of them I recognize as cover art. I ask her if there's any story behind them.

"Oh—ha, I was really into film in highschool. I still am, I just don't have as much time or opportunities for it right now. But yeah, some of the photos I've used for cover art are mine. Some are just ones I dug up from my parent's basement." She follows my gaze, which lingers on one cover that has been an object of speculation since it's release. "Give It Time."

I glance back at her, understanding if she doesn't want to elaborate on it. Most fans believe it's a photo of her and Seven Lawless, her ex-bandmate and ex-boyfriend, (who, at the time of the EP's release, were both in Stunts but their relationship was not yet public.) but the pixelated editing has left it fairly ambiguous. There are other plausible theories floating online about who it could be.

When I had first arrived at her door, she told me: "I'm an open book with most things, as long as you don't have bad intentions." And I'm not in the business of prying into subjects like that for anyone I interview—but she smiles at me warmly when she realizes what's caught my eye.

"I didn't take that one actually. It's still one of my favorites, though."

There's a comfortable lull in the conversation while I continue to examine the wall, until I point to one that looks only slightly out of place among the rest. There's about five people (you can probably guess who) squished into the frame, all half-dressed and soaking wet with wild grins plastered onto their faces.

She immediately bursts into a fit of laughter. "Okay, maybe not that one. My manager might kill me."

Stream "Didn't See That Coming" here.

☆☆☆

This is the first part of a pre-BOTB interview miniseries about my @infamous-if OC, Jackie Cohen. Whiplash Magazine is local to her home county's music scene but a lot of their audience is spread out online too. :)

The album cover edits were inspired by @spider-actual’s edits for their Infamous band Shelter In Place, go check them out they are so cool !!!

Original sources of the photos used for album art: About Yesterday / Give It Time / Leaning Backward / Didn't See That Coming

[southerndragontamer]

Egotober Day 22: Vampire

If there was one thing that show business had taught Bim, it was that presentation was everything. Not that what was underneath didn’t matter, but the eyes were what drew attention first, what led to people making subconscious impressions about you whether good or bad. What let them decide to get to know what was underneath the cover.

He knew this might not be his usual crowd but habits must. He fixed his hair and smoothed down his suit, adjusted his tie and checked his reflection. Fluffy black hair partly slicked back and the rest to fall attractively around his face, glasses cleaned, black suit pressed and perfectly fit against a broad frame. Red tie snug around his neck.

He smirked, nodded to himself and then went out the door. It was showtime.

The room he entered wasn’t his usual stage but was just as familiar to him. A concrete room with only one door, the door he’d come in as exit or entry, no windows. The only furniture inside was a steel surgical like table. The room had a faint scent of cleaning products, especially peroxide.

The only other occupant was just now coming to. Bim’s grin grew as he strolled forward to the man restrained with metal cuffs and gagged on the table.

“Hello again sir. You might not remember me, being drunk off your ass does that. Ah-ah ah~”

He chuckled as the man started to struggle, shouted what was likely curses into the metal gag in his mouth. Bim came up to the man’s side, charming smile wide and slowly darkening.

“Sorry, no can do~ I can’t have you leaving before the show even starts can I?”

The predictable confusion in the next noise made him chuckle as he loosened his tie just so. The man’s eyes, unfocused from the amount of drink in his veins, followed the movement as if spellbound.

The wonders of allure worked on everything he wanted it to. Even if they were straight as he’d seemed last night.

“Now I’m sure you’ve got a lot of questions, even through the haze of alcohol. Let me answer them in order. I’m not affiliated with the government, no one knows you’re here. Everyone thinks you’re sleeping off your alcoholic binge at some sleazy motel. You’re not going to get out of the room alive and you deserve what’s going to happen to you.”

Bim’s teeth sharpened as he chuckled, then began to laugh at the shocked, outraged noise in the gag. Oh humans were so very fun in their patterns. He slammed his hands down on the side of the man’s head, and he growled.

“Don’t you dare play dumb with me you sick son of a bitch. You know exactly why the fuck you’re here.”

His eyes began to glow as he started to drop the mask, deep chocolate brown turned red, the color of crushed roses, of dried blood.

“You’ve been nothing but an abusive dick to those that work under you, your partner wears makeup to cover up the bruises because you’re a fucking coward who can’t stand when anyone stands up to him.”

Bim sneered, his fangs glinted in the low light. The way the man began to pale and the scent of fear was delicious, he slowly licked his lips.

“You forget that there’s always someone bigger. That humans are only part of the food chain. You’re not always on top~”

He stood back and ran his claws through his hair, messing it up in thought as he hummed.

“I can’t blame your death on a suicide like I did that one time in Barakesh can I? Pity…. But the coyotes and other scavengers won’t mind taking the blame. They’re just excited for free meat.”

Before the man had time to process through his alcohol ridden brain, Bim lunged and bit deeply into the man’s throat. Besides the blood that rushed into his mouth, he tore out a chunk of meat and groaned at the screaming that rang out like music and the fear that swam in the veins like the sweetest honey. His eyes closed in pleasure a moment as he chewed and swallowed.

He always did have a sweet tooth, it would be very well sated tonight. Especially since he had his ways to keep his meal alive as long as he wanted.

[rei-caldombra]

Yubisaki to Renren Anime Episode 8 and 9 Review - Friends and Lovers.

Back to the lovely world of Yubisaki to Renren, this time covering episodes 8 and 9. As usual there will be spoilers. Also I just noticed while I was finishing this that the flags match the colors of one of the characters they are nearby. If I wanna go into overanalyzing mode maybe the flag positioning symbolizes how Yuki and Rin are very close without any issues between them while the green flag being between Kyouya and Itsuomi symbolizes how there is actually a hidden rift between them. Who knows… I don’t actually think there is anything to the latter while the adorable friendship between the former is very clear. 

Every single character in this show is gorgeous at all times, even in casual mode. We got deep into Shin’s backstory in episode 8, with it explaining Itsuomi’s relationship with him as well as his relationship with Emma. What I am taking away from Shin’s character is that he is very insecure, feeling inferior to Itsuomi. And that still seems to be affecting him now. Both in high school and in the present day, even with Itsuomi being off the table romantically he is unable to be honest with his feelings towards Emma. He is unwilling to be honest because he is assuming he would never be picked over Itsuomi even if he is not available. The girl Shin was dating in high school hit the nail on the head, he tried to use another girl to get over it but clearly could not shake his feelings. This leads to a one sided relationship that she is understandably upset by.

The above dramatic line goes to show how deep his insecurity runs, where he can directly lie to everyone when he has the perfect chance to be honest. This can also be seen as his speaking this out loud to try to convince himself that this is how he should think. I have struggled a lot with an inferiority complex, especially in high school, so I can relate to where he is coming from. It makes it even harder to change the status quo they are stuck in after Emma remarks on how nice their relationship is. The character animation continues to be really good in this episode, the way Shin’s mouth moved when he was hesitating to tell her how he feels accentuates the emotion of the scene by better matching the voice acting. This is a struggle that looks like it will continue amidst everyone else having very successful romantic pursuits as we see in episode 9. 

This is my favorite outfit of the ones they showed at the beginning of episode 9, I love her hair with the black shirt. One thing that a series can do to really engross me in their world and characters is showing them with lots of different outfits in their daily lives. It breathes a lot of life into the characters, making them feel more natural and real. I appreciate when characters don’t seem like they must have a closet full of the same outfit they wear pretty much every day, and have no interest in fashion or expressing themselves. It also gives the audience more displays of the character’s identity and personality. How much this matters can depend on the show, but for slice of life and romance I really think this can make a big difference on immersion. If the characters are in situations where you are constantly looking at them in largely static ways, it is easier to pick up on details like this. In a romance show it can especially matter because they are in situations where they want to look attractive, stand out more or less, etc. It is also better on the fundamental level of making the visuals less samey. Different outfits can be a notable way for people to remember segments of the story too. Another show that does this really well is Demon Girl Next Door. I’m really happy to see this concept that I'm fond of being present in Yubisaki to Renren. 

The sign language bootcamp is such a fun idea that fits perfectly for the characters. This was a great way to create new situations for the characters to be in for romantic shenanigans that feels like a completely natural outing for them. We got some notable progress between Rin and Kyouya and some sweet moments between Yuki and Itsuomi. I adore the moment when they point out random objects in their vicinity and have Yuki translate them. It was so natural and funny. We also got to make the point again of how seriously Itsuomi takes learning sign language while the others are trying but not as serious. 

The mature tone that the show carries when it comes to the romance really comes through with the conversation between Kyouya and Rin. Kyouya has the perspective of someone older (they apparently have not confirmed his exact age so I am gonna go with my gut and assume he is around 6+ years older than them) who is not looking to go through the motions of playing the romance game with lots of people. He was previously in a long term relationship and that is seemingly what he desires. He is the type of person who would only put the time and energy into attempting a relationship with someone he could take seriously. This is a feeling I know resonates with a lot of older people who have moved past the type of thinking you see in romance involving younger characters. The point of not wanting to spend the energy on romance is a feeling a lot of people in general can relate to. It takes a lot of mental energy that is already taken up by everything else in life, which I appreciate the show acknowledging. The maturity of the characters is also shown with Emma directly shutting down her coworker rather than letting his advances drag on. 

Continuing with the above point of emotionally mature characters, It's so nice seeing characters be direct with their feelings in a romance. Kyouya wasn’t certain if he was picking up on her intentions or not, but when presented with the chance he made the effort to bring it up and get the confirmation. Rin was nervous around him but when the situation came up she came right out with her feelings in a way that fit the conversation. He even opens up about his deeper feelings, such as feeling jealous over the phone call and being childish. That last point felt perfect, as even more mature adults still have their issues and insecurities. He may be notably older than the rest of the main cast but he still has things he can be immature over. It’s very satisfying to see characters be emotionally open and vulnerable when they have taken the time to have that openness feel earned through their friendship. I was afraid her twisting her ankle would be used to put off this conversation, but it didn’t really do that. While we did not get a clear answer as to if they are now dating, they both clearly made the feeling known to each other that they are interested in giving it a chance. And I am totally fine with their relationship moving forward in that kind of context. It does not need to be as black and white as dating or not, with their feelings known I am under the impression that they are going to see where things go naturally. Which is a valid way of growing closer romantically. I’m glad we got this focus on Kyouya that really gave us the first proper glimpse into who he is deep down, and excited to see where it goes. Honestly I was not expecting things to go this way. I thought Kyouya was not going to be interested. I correctly picked up on Kyoya’s not being as gung ho about romance, but did not think he was going to be interested in Emma. I do not oppose this development though. And at the end we get just a bit back into Oushi who is also harboring long held feelings that are not being made known. More on that next episode.

And that’s another 2 great episodes covered. This show continues to not have a single dip in quality or have anything I feel critical about. I can’t wait for more! Thanks for reading!